He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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