i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
