shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
