I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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