I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I think we might need a safe word for this...
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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