Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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