Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
