Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
