If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
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