You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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