i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
