I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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