just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
