i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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