i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize