The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
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My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
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We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
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