There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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