all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize