I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
