you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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