Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Are we still banned from the library?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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