Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
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