Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
