help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
