my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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