I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
