Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
