just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Randomize
