Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
