Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
