Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
My vagina is officially offended.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
