did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
