i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
