I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
My penis needs a shock collar
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
