At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
