mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
