so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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