my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
