Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
