Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
