You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
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I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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