we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Randomize
