I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
