I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
