There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
