I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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