I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize
