Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
His nipple licking is glorious
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