idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
