You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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