Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Randomize
