it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
