i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
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