I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
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