I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
