best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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