I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Congratulations! We have a period
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