Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Randomize
