Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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