Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
