I wanna bring you to show and tell
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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