So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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