She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
