just come out here and I will go home with you...
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
