that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
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