My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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