Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
