you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
