shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
