I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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